My Cancer Diagnosis
Although creating a history line for you was something I always dreamed of doing, the reason I actually started doing it was because of my recent cancer diagnosis. I'm still in the early stages of this journey and don't know the whole story yet, but should find out soon.
I never liked going to doctors. My Dad never liked going to doctors. I was also mis-informed. I must have read an article somewhere about some type of female reproductive cancer that occurs mainly in women that have never had children. I guess my mind created a different story - rolling all female reproductive cancers into one and feeling protected because I had three kids. How stupid I was!
I only went to the doctor in 2009 because I had fallen down on my side and thought I broke a rib. It wasn't getting any better after 3 weeks (boy was that painful) so I found a local doctor who sent me for a CT scan. It didn't show any broken ribs but did show that my left kidney was heart shaped and double in size (I was supposedly born that way but we'll see with my new upcoming scans) and had a lesion on it. I looked it up on the Internet and many people have kidney lesions, so I didn't do anything about it, even though the doctor suggested getting an ultrasound.
I was also told I have a blood vessel type tumor (a hema-something) on my liver. I looked that up on the Internet and many other people have the same thing. So although I couldn't sleep for 2 weeks after hearing about those things they finally faded from my mind. Until now.
Anyway, the doctor I went to, a General Practitioner (GP) wanted me to catch up on tests I should have had done over the years. The first was a Pap smear.
Here is my time line:
4/2010 - supposedly was called about a bad Pap smear - never got the message - thought I was in the clear. However, I was diagnosed with hypothyroid disease (your mother and Uncle Chad also have this) and was put on Synthroid.
11/2010 - went in for my thyroid blood check and finally found out about the bad Pap smear. Was told to get a biopsy asap. Studied online about how the biopsy was done and was trying to find someone that would put me under anesthesia for it. No one would. They told me to take a Motrin if I felt the need. Didn't set any appointments.
1/2011 - started feeling pain in my groin area and a pain shooting down my inner thigh from the groin area down. Set up an appointment with a gynecologist for a colposcopy.
1/2011 - had the colposcopy - I took some pain meds and am glad I did as it was not pleasant! The results were severe dysplasia or CIN 3 - pre-cancer cells. She even went up higher in the cervical canal during the colposcopy (called ECC) and that was also dysplasia.
2/14/2011 - went to Palos Hospital for pre-surgery tests - chest x-ray, blood & urine tests and an EKG.
2/15/2011 - The EKG was not good and I had to go to a cardiologist to get an OK for surgery. Had a heart ultrasound done. I was given the OK.
2/16/2011 - cold knife cone biopsy - this is an out-patient surgery where I was anesthetized (light anesthesia, I was out and couldn't feel or remember anything, although the doctor told me I fought her all the way). Results given on 2/17/2010, a day after surgery, that I have cervical cancer.
2/28/2011 - first visit with gynecological oncologist, Dr. Jacob Rotmensch at Rush Medical Center in Chicago. With reports in hand from an ultrasound and the cold knife cone biopsy he thinks I could be Stage I and a radical hysterectomy with lymph node, surrounding tissue and ovary removal will be done. I have it scheduled on March 29th, 2011. That will tell me much more. That will tell me if it looks more like Stage I or if it has spread, and where it has spread.
3/14/2011 - will be having a CT & a PET scan. This will be the final decision maker at this point in time on whether I will have a radical hysterectomy or what kind of treatment I will need.
3/29/2011 - had my radical hysterectomy - removal of cervix, uterus, connective tissue and some lymph nodes plus both ovaries and fallopian tubes. Supposedly all cancer was removed with clear margins and no lymph node involvement, but it was the most aggressive grade of cancer and radiation and light chemo will most likely be the recommendation.
May 2011 - I can't find the exact start date but I had 33 radiation treatments that spanned over 6 weeks as some weeks were shorter than others because of holidays. I had a colonoscopy the first week of the radiation (not good timing) and it was all clear. I went every day Monday through Friday. I am very claustrophobic and it was quite uncomfortable since I had to lay face down on an uneven table on top of a "belly board." I could never get comfortable. Once I was in position I couldn't move for the entire treatment, which lasted at least 20 minutes. Each treatment started with a scan first to make sure I was lined up properly and then I was "zapped" in 9 different areas. I had to take a Xanax to keep me relaxed and one time I only took 1/4 of a pill (I was down to 1/2) and I freaked out on the table and had to get up and walk it off. Not fun! I also had to have an emergency root canal done towards the end and I was getting worn out from that and the radiation. I was nauseous most the time during treatment and lost some weight.
I still feel like I'm healing from the cold knife cone biopsy at the time of this post. Actually, you are supposed to heal for 3 months after that surgery before having another, but they feel they cannot wait that long. I will be taking a trip with Grampa Jimmy to our townhouse in Scottsdale, AZ next week. Dr. Rotmensch told me to go on the trip (I asked if I should cancel it) as I would heal more which would make the operation easier for him. He also said I need to de-stress, although waiting for those scan results will be stressful.
I have been through many emotions. Fear, stress, sadness, anxiety, depression. I've had new aches and pains since the cold knife cone biopsy that I never had before. I keep thinking it's the cancer and it has spread.
One day I'll feel peaceful and think "if it's my time to go then that's how it is." On those days I don't fear death but just worry about Elle. Some days I'm in a deep depression.
Right after the diagnosis, cancer was on my mind 24/7. It was a heavy shadow I couldn't hide from. It is still on my mind all the time but it isn't controlling me as badly. Oh, I shed some tears just 2 nights ago, so it's a never ending roller coaster ride, and I don't even know everything yet.
Today I don't want to die. Today I'm not ready. I want to be around as long as I possibly can. No matter what happens to me, Brett & Brendon will have good lives. Elle's life will probably not be so good if I'm gone. She is my beacon and my reason to fight for my life. And I will fight as hard as I can to be here for her.
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